Ideally, I would actually keep my house clean all the time and cook and bake at least twice daily. I would participate in all available church activities and read scriptures and pray daily. Everyday I would style my hair and do my makeup and wear well chosen quirky but classic outfits. My ideal self is a great wife who never loses her temper and the nurturing and loving mother who always stays in control of situations with her kids while peppering their childhoods with whimsy and fond memories. In addition to all of this, I would be a journalist and scores of people would love reading my interviews with anyone and everyone from the everyman to the famous people who love to sit down with me, and my latest book would be progressing daily at a clip.
What disturbs me are two things: one, that I wake up expecting to see this person every day and consider myself a failure if I don't and two, that I actually come pretty close to hitting a couple of these things and allot myself zero credit for the accomplishment.
How much leeway should I give myself on hitting my personal ideal? If I accomplish nothing of my priorities, how do I define myself as valuable? What is a realistic expectation? If I don't push myself, then how will I ever move forward? I struggle with these questions and more. It is incredible to me how easily I can draw out the good I see in others, yet how intolerant I am of my own insufficiencies.
Why shouldn't I just give up now?
I think we are not always an objective judge about ourselves. I also think that we let ourselves believe stereotypes more than we should, or more than we think we do. I've done it myself - thinking I'm not being productive enough, or have a good enough job or I don't date enough. I think a lot of it just comes down to point of view, and if we are at least headed in the right direction, even if we are gong slowly. But slow and steay wins the race.
ReplyDeleteLove, Heather G.